At PsychotiCorp, we are constantly looking for innovative ways to reduce efficiency while giving the appearance of increasing accountability. That's why we are proud to announce the creation of our newest division: The Department of Pointless Approvals.
In today's fast-paced business environment, simple decisions are made far too quickly. Employees have become accustomed to solving problems without first consulting six supervisors, three committees, and someone who has been on vacation for the past two weeks. This reckless behavior ends today.
Under our new approval process, every request—no matter how small—must be reviewed by multiple departments before any action may be taken.
Need a new pen? Submit Form PA-101.
Need a replacement chair because yours collapsed? Please complete the Furniture Justification Packet and include three independent witness statements.
Need to reset your password? Your request will be reviewed during next month's Password Strategy Meeting.
Of course, no approval process would be complete without several levels of management. Each request will travel through a carefully designed maze of signatures to ensure that absolutely nobody feels personally responsible for the final decision.
If one signature is missing, the request will immediately be returned to the beginning of the process.
For quality assurance purposes.
We've also introduced our new Approval Status Tracker, which displays one of four helpful messages:
- Pending
- Still Pending
- Pending Review of Pending Status
- Please Resubmit Entire Request
Employees have expressed concern that projects may now take several months longer to complete.
Management would like to remind everyone that rushing work creates unnecessary productivity.
To further improve accountability, every approval request will now require an Approval Request Request Form before the actual Approval Request Form can be submitted. Once approved, employees may request permission to begin the approval process.
This additional layer of administration ensures that no one accidentally accomplishes anything without proper authorization.
Dr. Psychotic, CEO of PsychotiCorp, praised the initiative during this morning's executive meeting.
"Our goal has never been to make work easier. Our goal is to make paperwork so overwhelming that employees forget what they originally wanted to accomplish."
The initiative has already been declared a tremendous success.
No work has been completed since its implementation.
Exactly as planned.
Dr Psychotic
Founder of PsychotiCorp and Fearless Leader
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