Mandatory Employee Positivity Initiative

 

PsychotiCorp Company Memo

At PsychotiCorp, employee morale is our highest priority. Studies conducted by our Internal Compliance Happiness Division have determined that morale decreases significantly whenever employees openly acknowledge reality.

To combat this dangerous trend, all employees are now required to maintain a positive attitude regardless of circumstance, including but not limited to:

• equipment fires
• unpaid overtime
• collapsing ceilings
• emotional breakdowns
• raccoon sightings in the ventilation system
• spontaneous electrical incidents in the Widget Division
• interactions with middle management

Beginning Monday, all employees must smile while on company property. Facial Recognition Compliance Cameras have already been installed throughout the facility for your convenience.

Employees exhibiting insufficient enthusiasm may be enrolled in our new:

“Voluntary Mandatory Optimism Seminars”

Seminar topics include:

• “Crying Quietly and Professionally”
• “Turning Burnout Into Productivity”
• “How to Nod During Meetings Without Losing Consciousness”
• “Smiling Through OSHA Violations”

Please remember:
A happy employee is a productive employee.
A monitored employee is a happy employee.

Any employee heard using phrases such as:

• “This place is unsafe”
• “We deserve breaks”
• “Why is the copier smoking?”
• “Who approved this?”
  will be referred to Human Resources for Corrective Encouragement.

As always, thank you for your continued cooperation and mild emotional suppression.

— Dr. Psychotic
Beloved CEO, PsychotiCorp
Innovations in Lunacy.

Remember, this is all for your own good: